ER+Social Anxiety+Almost Fired=Me

Let me explain. 

I started working as an admissions clerk at the hospital a few weeks ago.  I knew I’d be registering people for surgery, x-rays, lab work, and even admitting people into the hospital.

I found out within my first couple days that I may work ER.  I was nervous enough, thinking of dealing with people coming in with pneumonia or a chopped finger, but today I finally did it for the first time.

It was much worse than I imagined.  I won’t go into detail because of HIPAA, but let’s just say we interact with the ER patients much more than I realized (like, getting their info or putting their hospital bracelet on while they are hooked up to machines or the doctors are working on them).  That’s terrifying to me, and it sent me into a panic attack.  I mean, I’ve dealt with them for about 8 years now, but I don’t have them as often so it’s always a bit surprising (and this one was really bad, I was hyperventilating in the restroom).

I mean, I’m seeing people suffering, and it’s really hard.  It’s hard not to use my natural instinct to help them (like most humans have).  It’s hard to separate my job from them as people, and not just make them into another registrant or patient on the computer.  It’s hard to stay calm and sit there and ask their demographic information while they are laying there crying or are visibly in pain.   Plus the people training me tell me to use my own judgment on who gets in first.  I know nothing about medical stuff.  I don’t even know enough to know what to call it other than “medical stuff.”  I don’t want to kill anybody!

So I had a panic attack and told my supervisor, because she saw me crying and I wanted to be honest (she’s also my friend).   I was just honest and told her that I didn’t think I could handle ER, that it made me panic, and if she had to let me go I understood.

Well, we went and talked to our boss (like, over my supervisor) and she said she’d try and see if human resources will let her make it where I just work the clinical side.  

Well, they didn’t, because their motto is, “you can’t accommodate one and not all,” which I totally understand.  I mean, it is a bit irritating since it’s not just a preference but an actual medical problem I have, but I also get it.

So she called me this afternoon (my boss) and told me that they wouldn’t allow that, and asked if I’d be able to fulfill that part of my job.  I was honest and said no, I can’t. 

It sucked.  I was so upset, because I really like my job and I hated that one little part of it (I’d only do ER when they needed someone to fill in or on Holidays) was going to screw it up.

I didn’t know how I could do it, though, without panicking.  If you have social anxiety and panic attacks you know that it’s hard not to associate that panic with a place or event that it occurred at.  So I didn’t know if I’d be able to even go back in there without panicking.  And panicking while working in the ER is not good for anybody, and I really didn’t want to screw anything up.

So I laid on my bed, jobless, crying, and really frustrated.  I didn’t know what to do.   All of a sudden something hit me, and I don’t know what it was (well, it was God, but you know what i mean), but I was like, “I have to get my job back.  I can’t let this defeat me again.”

So I called my boss and asked if I could come back and try a few more days, and she told me I could (she’s really nice, I’m glad she’s my boss.  She seemed to at least partly understand and know I wasn’t just being dramatic or petty).  

So, we’ll see how tomorrow goes.  I’m really, really hoping I can find a way to suppress that panic.  I love my job and I don’t want to lose it.  Plus, if I can overcome it, that’ll be a HUGE step in my life.  

I thank God for giving me the strength and courage to get my job back.  I thank Him for letting my boss see that I wasn’t being a huge cry baby.  And I hope and pray that I will do well.

And on a side note, I really don’t like the attitude of the nurses and doctors in the ER.  Like,a  guy was crying today and they called him a cry baby once they got out of his room.  I think ANYONE alone in the ER after a car wreck would be upset.  It kind of pissed me off, to be honest, and I hope I can at least be that one nice person in the ER that makes a patient feel more comfortable and cared for.

So that’s my story of the day.  If you could PLEASE keep me in your prayers, I’d appreciate it 100%.  And if you have ever dealt with something similar, or worked in the ER, message me advice, tips, etc.

@2 months ago
#social anxiety #anxiety #panic attacks #panic #ER #emergency room #hospital #clerk #job #advice #help #admissions #work #God #prayer #strength #courage #fear #bravery #fearless #brave #roar 

"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13
@2 years ago with 5 notes
#fitblr #Christian #verse #love #hope #faith #strength #courage #life #God #scripture #Bible 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33 
@2 years ago with 1 note
#courage #fear #fearless #strength #peace #God #fitblr #Christian 

I love this song and I apply it to every aspect of my life.  I’m not going to let people bring me down anymore, I’ll keep fighting until I’m stronger.  And, as long as I have God on my side, I never have to fight any battle alone (and that includes weight loss!). 

And in case you don’t want to watch the video, here are the lyrics.

One More Round - Barlow Girl

Round one wasn’t what I thought it’d be
Round two I’m struggling to breath
3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times I wondered why I stepped inside this ring

I may be knocked down and bruised
But I’m here to tell you
That I may be knocked down but not for the count
1,2,3,4
So take me one more round
I’ll just keep fighting
One more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here

One more round I’ll come out swinging
One more round
I’m telling you now I’m not gonna lose it

It’s so hard to get up off the floor again
But I know that victory is when
I’m pushing through the pain that tries to feed me lies that I won’t reach the end
I may be bloodied and so bruised
But I’m here to tell you
That I may be knocked down but not for the count
1,2,3,4
So take me one more round I’ll just keep fighting one more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here
One more round
I’ll come out swinging
One more round

I’m telling you now I’m not gonna lose it
I am not defeated
Though you cannot see it
I have never won a battle on my own
I find strength in weakness
I find hope in believing
God is for me who can bring me down?
So take me one more round
I’ll just keep fighting

One more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here
One more round
I’ll come out swinging one more round
I’m telling you now I’m not gonna lose it here
I’m not gonna go down now
Try to bring me
I’ll come out swinging

@2 years ago with 3 notes
#Barlow Girl #fight #fitblr #fitness #health #healthy #fitspo #life #help #strong #strength #believe 

Don’t let fear control your life.

With some of the things that’s been going on lately, such as the Boston Marathon bombings, Sandy Hook, and the Aurora theater shooting, a lot of people are full of fear, and rightfully so.

My heart and prayers goes out to everyone affected by all those events, and I mean nothing but respect for them.

But, we can’t let fear control us, you know?  We can’t let a few crazy people control our lives.  I’ll admit, when I go to a theater, I still glance around, bring a knife in my purse (hey, better than nothing), and figure out possible escape routes.  I still get scared when my sister goes to work as a fifth grade teacher.  

But do you think the people who lost their lives, would want all of us to be afraid?  I don’t think they would.  I know if it were me, I wouldn’t want people to have fear.  I’d want them to live their lives.

So, don’t let fear stop you from doing things.  Just trust in God, and it’s okay to be a little cautious, just don’t let it control you.  Fear is not something you’re born with, it’s something you learn, it’s something you take.

I’m signed up to do a 5k this weekend, and I’m going to do it.  My mom called and was saying she didn’t want me to do anymore 5ks. But, it’s for a cause that’s special to me (March of Dimes), and I’m not going to let one crazy idiot stop me.  

So, go to the theaters, kiss your kids/little siblings before they go to school, and go run.  Don’t let fear control your lives, and don’t let the actions of evil people ruin them.  

Be fearless, be strong, and carry on.

@1 year ago
#fear #afraid #fearless #strength #strong #life #love #loss 

"Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks."

@2 years ago with 5 notes
#encouragement #life #God #love #change #fear #courage #strength #fitblr 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6
@2 years ago with 3 notes
#strength #courage #strong #fear #fitblr #Christian #fitness #health #life 
This is what happens when I get bored in class. 
But, I think it’s a good message for all of us to remember. 
STAY STRONG!!

This is what happens when I get bored in class. 

But, I think it’s a good message for all of us to remember. 

STAY STRONG!!

@3 years ago with 17 notes
#fitblr #fitness #fitspo #fitspiration #love #health #healthy #security #message #strength #strong 
ER+Social Anxiety+Almost Fired=Me

Let me explain. 

I started working as an admissions clerk at the hospital a few weeks ago.  I knew I’d be registering people for surgery, x-rays, lab work, and even admitting people into the hospital.

I found out within my first couple days that I may work ER.  I was nervous enough, thinking of dealing with people coming in with pneumonia or a chopped finger, but today I finally did it for the first time.

It was much worse than I imagined.  I won’t go into detail because of HIPAA, but let’s just say we interact with the ER patients much more than I realized (like, getting their info or putting their hospital bracelet on while they are hooked up to machines or the doctors are working on them).  That’s terrifying to me, and it sent me into a panic attack.  I mean, I’ve dealt with them for about 8 years now, but I don’t have them as often so it’s always a bit surprising (and this one was really bad, I was hyperventilating in the restroom).

I mean, I’m seeing people suffering, and it’s really hard.  It’s hard not to use my natural instinct to help them (like most humans have).  It’s hard to separate my job from them as people, and not just make them into another registrant or patient on the computer.  It’s hard to stay calm and sit there and ask their demographic information while they are laying there crying or are visibly in pain.   Plus the people training me tell me to use my own judgment on who gets in first.  I know nothing about medical stuff.  I don’t even know enough to know what to call it other than “medical stuff.”  I don’t want to kill anybody!

So I had a panic attack and told my supervisor, because she saw me crying and I wanted to be honest (she’s also my friend).   I was just honest and told her that I didn’t think I could handle ER, that it made me panic, and if she had to let me go I understood.

Well, we went and talked to our boss (like, over my supervisor) and she said she’d try and see if human resources will let her make it where I just work the clinical side.  

Well, they didn’t, because their motto is, “you can’t accommodate one and not all,” which I totally understand.  I mean, it is a bit irritating since it’s not just a preference but an actual medical problem I have, but I also get it.

So she called me this afternoon (my boss) and told me that they wouldn’t allow that, and asked if I’d be able to fulfill that part of my job.  I was honest and said no, I can’t. 

It sucked.  I was so upset, because I really like my job and I hated that one little part of it (I’d only do ER when they needed someone to fill in or on Holidays) was going to screw it up.

I didn’t know how I could do it, though, without panicking.  If you have social anxiety and panic attacks you know that it’s hard not to associate that panic with a place or event that it occurred at.  So I didn’t know if I’d be able to even go back in there without panicking.  And panicking while working in the ER is not good for anybody, and I really didn’t want to screw anything up.

So I laid on my bed, jobless, crying, and really frustrated.  I didn’t know what to do.   All of a sudden something hit me, and I don’t know what it was (well, it was God, but you know what i mean), but I was like, “I have to get my job back.  I can’t let this defeat me again.”

So I called my boss and asked if I could come back and try a few more days, and she told me I could (she’s really nice, I’m glad she’s my boss.  She seemed to at least partly understand and know I wasn’t just being dramatic or petty).  

So, we’ll see how tomorrow goes.  I’m really, really hoping I can find a way to suppress that panic.  I love my job and I don’t want to lose it.  Plus, if I can overcome it, that’ll be a HUGE step in my life.  

I thank God for giving me the strength and courage to get my job back.  I thank Him for letting my boss see that I wasn’t being a huge cry baby.  And I hope and pray that I will do well.

And on a side note, I really don’t like the attitude of the nurses and doctors in the ER.  Like,a  guy was crying today and they called him a cry baby once they got out of his room.  I think ANYONE alone in the ER after a car wreck would be upset.  It kind of pissed me off, to be honest, and I hope I can at least be that one nice person in the ER that makes a patient feel more comfortable and cared for.

So that’s my story of the day.  If you could PLEASE keep me in your prayers, I’d appreciate it 100%.  And if you have ever dealt with something similar, or worked in the ER, message me advice, tips, etc.

2 months ago
#social anxiety #anxiety #panic attacks #panic #ER #emergency room #hospital #clerk #job #advice #help #admissions #work #God #prayer #strength #courage #fear #bravery #fearless #brave #roar 
Don’t let fear control your life.

With some of the things that’s been going on lately, such as the Boston Marathon bombings, Sandy Hook, and the Aurora theater shooting, a lot of people are full of fear, and rightfully so.

My heart and prayers goes out to everyone affected by all those events, and I mean nothing but respect for them.

But, we can’t let fear control us, you know?  We can’t let a few crazy people control our lives.  I’ll admit, when I go to a theater, I still glance around, bring a knife in my purse (hey, better than nothing), and figure out possible escape routes.  I still get scared when my sister goes to work as a fifth grade teacher.  

But do you think the people who lost their lives, would want all of us to be afraid?  I don’t think they would.  I know if it were me, I wouldn’t want people to have fear.  I’d want them to live their lives.

So, don’t let fear stop you from doing things.  Just trust in God, and it’s okay to be a little cautious, just don’t let it control you.  Fear is not something you’re born with, it’s something you learn, it’s something you take.

I’m signed up to do a 5k this weekend, and I’m going to do it.  My mom called and was saying she didn’t want me to do anymore 5ks. But, it’s for a cause that’s special to me (March of Dimes), and I’m not going to let one crazy idiot stop me.  

So, go to the theaters, kiss your kids/little siblings before they go to school, and go run.  Don’t let fear control your lives, and don’t let the actions of evil people ruin them.  

Be fearless, be strong, and carry on.

1 year ago
#fear #afraid #fearless #strength #strong #life #love #loss 
"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13
2 years ago
#fitblr #Christian #verse #love #hope #faith #strength #courage #life #God #scripture #Bible 
"Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks."
2 years ago
#encouragement #life #God #love #change #fear #courage #strength #fitblr 
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33 
2 years ago
#courage #fear #fearless #strength #peace #God #fitblr #Christian 
"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6
2 years ago
#strength #courage #strong #fear #fitblr #Christian #fitness #health #life 
2 years ago
#Barlow Girl #fight #fitblr #fitness #health #healthy #fitspo #life #help #strong #strength #believe 
This is what happens when I get bored in class. 
But, I think it’s a good message for all of us to remember. 
STAY STRONG!!
3 years ago
#fitblr #fitness #fitspo #fitspiration #love #health #healthy #security #message #strength #strong